Yes, that title is plural.
I hear people say things like “Once you find the “THING” YOU DO best you’ll be happy” or something of that ilk. You can swap out some key words there, like “happy” for “successful”, or “best” for “easy”. It’s up to you. Whatever gets you revved up; I’ve heard them all. The problem for me is that I’m not convinced there is a THING for me. There is no ONE THING. In the context of this blog post, one could argue that “comics” may be that THING? I don’t think it is. From my perspective, it hasn’t been so simple.
For one, I’m not really a “comics guy”. I read a lot of manga in my teens, but it wasn’t until recent years that I’ve steered my creative intent towards the comic book format. Creatively, my desire has always been to be known as a storyteller, so when I was younger I knew I wanted to do something great with a strong sense of story. My favorite media to consume stories while growing up was video games. I loved the immersion, I wanted so badly to PLAY a story I wrote. Video games were still a fairly developing media when I was in my grade school days, so I knew I was in a good place to try and pioneer something with video games. Storytelling was my first real passion, followed closely by video games.
So, I pursued my undergrad degree in Game Design with dreams of pitching an ambitious game idea with a five-act story. I succeeded (in the degree part), so according to my Bachelor’s: I am a game designer. This rings true to me, as I still love the process of developing games. I still dream about working on a game development team and being a real asset to the design. System design is something I do for fun.
Okay. Fast forward 6 strange years: I then receive my Master’s degree in Graphic Design. Okay, so I’m a graphic designer, too. Seemed like a good move at the time. Seems to be helping me out today (I’m a freelance graphic designer now, and honestly it’s not going half bad).
What did I write my thesis on? Game design.
So, I’m a storyteller, game designer, and graphic designer. But, I’m also an artist.
Here’s where I’m going with this: I think this comic is a solution to my problem. I want to do SOMETHING, but I can’t seem to stay interested and consistently passionate about just ONE thing. This comic allows me to combine a lot of the skills which I feel are all part of who I am. The objective truth is that there are areas of this new pursuit which I am more qualified for than others.
Here’s the breakdown of what I am trying to achieve by making this comic. It’s ambitious and I would not be surprised to find that it is way over my head. The thing is, I think I’ve been training for this since I fell in love with storytelling. I think this is the thing I want to do, but it is comprised of many things.
#1 — In this comic: I’m designing a video game
This is about the ONLY aspect of this entire project that I’m justifiably “qualified” for. I can talk about game design all day long and into next month. I have played lots of games of every genre. I have a Bachelor’s in Game Development from a highly rated private college. This all seems to be in alignment, right?
Maybe. Honestly, I don’t think the game I’m developing would have the expected lifespan of World of Warcraft or Counterstrike, but it has something new. I know it has something going on with it. It does have this “flavor of the month” type of design that may not catch on, but that’s really not the point. I’m not expecting the game to even approach the idea of real-life development right now. Currently, it’s just a plot vehicle to reveal character personality aspects and promote combat that doesn’t stain the hardwood.
That’s not to say that I feel I should skimp on the only-on-paper development of this “video game”. It’s definitely more important that it makes sense to the story over anything else, but games have rules and constraints; the game itself has to at least carry the illusion that it is rounded, developed, and makes sense. I feel that a game like the one I’m designing here would be faced with lots and lots of development barriers based on really fundamental rules of good design. I want to break these rules with conscious intent.
I will likely write a future blog post about the specifics of the game in the comic, but just for now let’s just check off this subject.
#2 — I’m designing and drawing the comic
Unfortunately, this is an area I’m not so qualified for. Currently. Worse yet, it’s not even the area I’m LEAST qualified for (see #3 below). If I could take you back to year 2015, I believe it would shed some light on this:
There I am in aisle 18 of the Home Depot I work at. I’m a lumber associate. There is nobody there, no boss, no co-workers, no customers. I’m sitting on a pallet of ready-mix concrete bags with a dirty sketchbook and one of those steak-fries of a pencil that general contractors seem to like.
I am teaching myself to draw for what really feels like the first time.
I have lots of drawing experience, but I had not considered real application for it. I grew up trusting my hand to create figures and forms, half appreciating what I was able to make but otherwise discouraged because of my extremely talented peers. I have friends who have sequential art degrees and practice comic art every day. How am I going to compete with all these people out there that are just so good at this thing that I’ve only just scratched the surface of?
I’ve been practicing, for sure. I’m much better at figure drawing than I ever imagined I would be, but that doesn’t mean I can create something that meets my expectations or resembles professional work. Do I need that? No, certainly not. What toxicity it is to strive for something so vain? It is productivity poison not to let this unfold naturally.
I am afraid but determined.
#3 — I’m developing a philosophical mind/body relationship rationale based in human psychology
OK
WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?
SO, let me lay this flat on the table: I don’t really know exactly how this is going to play out. I don’t have a lot of educational experience in Philosophy or Psychology. I am FIRING FROM THE HIP HERE.
But, despite my complete lack of qualification, I have developed that “philosophical mind/body relationship rationale based in human psychology”. I wrote a medium article about it:
The Accord— a Theory of “Self”
It’s hefty. I think it’s insightful. I’m using it as a plot device.
I think it works?
To sum this up: I can look at this project objectively and see the glacier approaching. It’s either going to steamroll me slowly or become my new home. I know from a professional standpoint, there is ONE of these above-mentioned things that I should be doing to contribute to this project as the SOLE CONTRIBUTOR, but I’m doing all of them.
It’s going to be very challenging. I want to succeed at this so very badly.
❤ Casey